There is a balance in life now that I don't care to upset. Normalcy is necessary for all concerned. Life goes on as it should with all it's ups and downs. I have friends who are ill and dying. Concern for them and the help I can give are important to me. Support for their families is imperative. The giving always comes back in some shape or form. Having fun with family and friends can make the spirit soar. I meet regularly with friends who know and love me. They are concerned as friends should be. We talk about what is happening with my body. That over, we are back to the business at hand which is enjoying the moment, eating, reminiscing, joking and solving the problems of the world. I have been having speech problems over the past month. Hesitation and slurring of words is common. My daughters get a kick when it happens. In my frustration to get a word out correctly I will stop and let out some "loose language" which is always articulated perfectly. It happens so often my son-in-law swears I have Turret's Syndrome. We also have some dark fun making up the signals I will use if ever I lose the ability to speak. One blink of the eye for yes and two for no. Roll the eyes to signify laughing. In a comic way I tell them about my preference for the fetal position while lying down and how many pillows to use. Leave one foot out of the covers. Dress me in pajamas, not nightgowns. Make sure the bottoms are not too tight on my behind. No more bras. Leave my bottom teeth in the drawer. The list goes on and on and so does the laughter. A bit of levity is more than desirable even though the conversation is somewhat serious. This is our way of getting through important future issues. Funny but not so funny.
My husband and I have learned to really listen to one another. I need to know how he feels and give thought to his needs. He patiently holds me when I cry and hears what I'm trying to say. He tends to my every need and makes life much easier. Physically I have to depend on his strength. If I say thank you a hundred times a day it would never be enough. We are partners and need to be strong for one another. There is no other way. God bless my family and dear friends. God bless old friends who write letters and send angels and books and give support from afar. God bless them for their unending thoughts and prayers and hopes. It makes the journey bearable.
I almost forgot about all of Mom's cursing! She did always keep us laughing!
ReplyDeleteHow could u forget that? It's what kept me going for the first few months. Ha Ha
ReplyDeleteI've always had a different perspective (outsiders) on what was going on with Mom during the last year or so of her life. Even reading the first few posts I kept thinking, this is not the woman I knew. After reading this last post I got to thinking about what must have been going through her mind and how a person has to change when one knows death is imminent and the burden she must have felt to Bob and my sisters who lovingly cared for her to the end. It makes me feel just a little better that we made peace in the end but it know upsets me greatly that I wasn't a more forgiving person much sooner. Kellys are stubborn and slow to forgive by nature but hopefully we can all grow by learning from the mistakes of our past. When we were growing up and fighting with one another, Mom always used to preach about the importance of family and how she lost her brother and missed him every day. This, along with always giving a firm handshake, may have been the most important lessons she ever taught us. God Bless and I know you are in a much better place. And thanks again to Bob, Jill & Jen for giving her the care she deserved to the end.
ReplyDelete